Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Al-Qaida Murder Plot Against Justin Timberlake???

I read on the morning paper that the al-Qaeda is plotting to kill Justin Timberlake, David Beckham, and P. Diddy, among others. The article said the al-Qaeda thinks these men represent the bad - "criminal" - Western influence on the Muslim youth.

Let's analyse their lives and influences, shall we?

Well, we all know Justin Timberlake as the ex-*NSYNCer who ditched his four friends to make it big on his own. When I say "big," I mean HUGE! ENORMOUS! GINORMOUS! What are his songs about? Initially about how Britney Spears cheated on him (allegedly), how he reacted (pissed off, of course!), and then he shot the "Cry Me A River" video that all but confirmed the cheating rumours. For creative and cathartic purposes, that's fine - although I was pissed off at him. Anyway, eventually his songs became about rocking our bodies, making love with senoritas, bringing the sexy back (I believe Prince snorted at this because he and I agree that sexy was never gone), his love, karma (about Elisha Cuthbert and his BFF Trace Ayala - cue "What Goes Around... Comes Around"), and summer love. Then he started making out with Janet Jackson (which, of course, led to the Superbowl half-time show in 2004) and dating Alyssa Milano, Jenna Dewan, and Cameron Diaz. After breaking up with Cameron Diaz, he (allegedly) hooked up with Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Biel, who is his current girlfriend. Also, he has created his own record label and, generally, life has been going great - wait, freaking excellent - for him. All of this is happening while his former band mates are trying to stay afloat in the entertainment business. Lance Bass came out, makes movies, produces movies, etcetera; Joey Fatone is now a TV host and Dancing With The Stars runner-up; Chris Kirkpatrick is now in that VH1 show Mission: Man Band with other boy band alums; and JC Chasez is struggling to get his new record Kate out (Jive truly sucks!). Can you tell Justin Randall Timberlake isn't one of my favourite people?

David Beckham, on the other hand, is a star soccer player from the UK, whose wife is the former Posh Spice. They have three boys and they recently moved to L.A. as David now plays for the Major League Soccer team L.A. Galaxy (although he's injured). I don't dislike him as much as Justin Timberlake, but I don't care for him either. I don't follow soccer, unless it's a FIFA World Cup year, and I've outgrown the Spice Girls. At best, I'm indifferent towards the Beckhams. Anyway, David Beckham is supposedly a very good soccer player, but I haven't seen him win a game for any of his teams (maybe he has, but I don't care anyway). Also, his wife is a notorious spender and is filming a reality show for NBC (I think) to depict their move to LA. And the couple spend a fortune on their sons, even in the most mundane of things. In short, they are rich and famous, but their lives are more about the hype than the substance - at least, so far (I wouldn't care anyway).

P. Diddy, also known as Sean Combs or Puff Daddy, is a mega-successful recording executive, back up singer, performer, producer of MTV's Making the Band, writer, arranger, clothing designer, and Broadway actor. He also has four children with two women, whom he never married. He has been involved in several legal battles, the most notable of which is the trial against him for weapons violation, bribery charges, and other charges related to a nightclub shooting on December 1999. He was eventually acquitted on all charges, but his co-accused, rapper Shyne, was convicted and sentenced to ten years in prison. As a performer/writer/record producer, he extensively sampled songs which has been heavily criticised by some. During the 2004 U.S. presidential elections, P. Diddy, among other celebrities, encouraged young people to vote with the "Vote Or Die" campaign. However, it was reported that Diddy, along with Paris Hilton and Ludacris, wasn't even registered to vote. Can you say hypocrisy?

Anyway, so here's what we've got: a pop/R&B superstar who writes sexually charged songs and bitter songs, a hyped-up sports star, and a hypocritical and at-times unoriginal hip hop mogul. Nice.

I went to the Wikipedia article on Islam (I know Wikipedia isn't exactly reliable, but it's a start) and didn't find any specific crime that would fit all three stars, except unlawful intercourse (between unmarried couples?) and consumption of alcohol, I guess.

So, if there are any Muslims (al-Qaeda-loving or otherwise) who read this entry, please tell me why the al-Qaeda would consider the above male stars as having criminal influences on Muslim youth.

What if it's true? What if the al-Qaeda attempts to murder any one of these men?

What would happen to those who love them? How would they react? Most likely, they'll demand that Osama and his friends die a really horrible death in the hands of the U.S. soldiers.

Would the soldiers care? The women perhaps?

Would I care? Hmm... I'm indifferent towards David Beckham and P. Diddy, at best, so I'd probably grieve for a moment then move on.

Justin Timberlake is a different story, though. I will not grieve. I will not be sad. I won't be too happy, but I definitely won't be sad. He deserves it.

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