I had a very merry Christmas. It actually extended through Boxing Day (day after Christmas or anniversary of the tsunami).
How the heck would I know that it's gonna be sad?
See, he had this blog thing in MSN Space. I visited his profile, curious whether he wrote something about Monday night. Here's what he wrote:
"i'd have to say.. the most crushing part of it all is knowing I'm dispensable.. that more or less, u can be uknowingly playing the role as 'flavor of the week'"
If he was talking about Monday night, when I phoned him "for fun," he's wrong to think that he's only my "flavor of the week" - so wrong! Does he even know what I feel for him? Does he know that I'm scared and thrilled to fall in love with him? Does he even know that I've fallen in love enough for me to need a whole year to get over him if it doesn't work out? Does he even know that I cry because of him? Does he?
I'm not flirting with him. He's the one flirting with me!
But, then again, we haven't talked about anything serious for a long while. I think we're both avoiding a certain subject - for good reasons. So what the heck is he talking about?
If we could only talk about serious stuff... If we could only be courageous enough to talk about this certain subject in a mature way (heck, he even said, we can say anything to each other!)... But I don't think it's the right time.
I'm taking him seriously. If he could only see through the jokes, then he'd know that he's the most special guy to me outside my earthly male family members. If he seriously thought about my name in MSN, then he'd know that he's the reason my name contains "behind these dark brown eyes".
Because, behind these dark brown eyes, with all the smiles and laughter, there's a scared heart. A heart scared of falling deeply in love with him that I'd never be able to get over him.